After getting home Tuesday I called all the people that had helped with the keys deliema and let them know I'd recovered my keys and thanked them for their help. Yesterday I took the spare key back to Kelly and Caleb's house so there will be a spare somewhere! It was such a relief when Kelly said they had one! All things seem more possible when you can get in your car!

Yesterday I recieved the CMA on my house in Roseburg. The renter that had been in the house for 3 years gave notice last month and there hasn't been any one interested enough in renting it to fill out the application through the property management company. Murphy's Law in play once again. When I can least afford to pay that mortgage I have to.

So I'm looking at selling it. Since it is the biggest single investment I have I want to price it right and not pay to high a realtor fee. It isn't something I wanted to have to figure out right now. I'm really just wanting to get a job and finish school!

I haven't heard anything on the job front yet... but it's only Thursday.

Everyone in my world seems to be sick with sinus, cold, flu right now. Kelly's voice is gone, Caleb was home from work yesterday with a terrible sinus headache, Oliver came home from school with stomach problems, Nissa cancelled Sunday's walk due to flu like symtoms, Joey and Emma are just recovering from serious colds and I have a reoccurring headache centered in the sinus areas! Joey showed me a pressure point in my hands to relieve sinus and neck/back pain. I've tried it and it seems to be working... my sinus's started running! I think that is what was needed so the headache can stop!

Today I'll focus on school work as I wait and hope the phone will ring with the job offer!
Hope all is well out there!

The past two days have been pretty wild. Monday morning I got up resolved to get my Programing lab done so I wouldn't be behind in that class - by Noon I'd exchanged several calls with one of the recruiters and had a job interview set up for Tuesday at 9 am. It is on Swan Island. (OK, where is Swan Island!) Whip out a map and find it's, an area not really an island, in north Portland.

I packed up my car with my books for school and went off to check out the location of the job interview. It took about 40 minutes to get there in moderate traffic so I decided I'd leave in the morning by 7:45 am to assure I'd be there on time. At class I got my grades and found that I've got an "A"! That makes me a straight A student at this point!!! I guess I'm not as dumb as I've been feeling.

Home by 10:30 Pm I get my clothes ready for the morning and go to bed to get a good night's sleep. This is a good job opportunity and I'm doing everything I can to be prepared. Organized, prepared, and collected, right?

So here is how today went.

6:15 am Alarm goes off - shower - dress - eat yogurt and have cup of coffee (so the stomach won't grumble!)
7:45 am Get in the car (which I gassed up and ran through a car wash last night) and head down the route I'd scouted the day before. Traffic is light. Skies grey but no rain. I get to Swan Island at 8:15 am.
8:20 am I decide to go into the Deli in the industrial park about two blocks from the business I have the interview with to have a cup of coffee and kill 30 minutes reading a library book I'd brought with me.
8:45 am I dash out to my car because it has started to rain and fumble the keys when I go to unlock my door and they drop into the storm drain below my car door.
8:46 am I dash back into the Deli and explain what has happened. They are Japanese and don't understand I'm not asking them for my keys I'm explaining I dropped my keys in the storm drain and am asking them not to have my car towed away while I am in my interview. A young man came from the back that understood - finally and I ran out the door to get to the interview.
8:55 am In the few minutes it took to run the two blocks (in heels) I am more than DAMP. Standing in their pre-foyer I worked on swiping the water off my suit jacket and shake it out of my hair while I wait for the Recruiting agent to get there and walk in with me.
9:00 am We walk into the Reception area and Geof introduces us and asks for the hiring person. I am being as calm as possible and tell Geof what just occurred while we wait for Keith. He was pretty amazed that I wasn't more upset. First things first. Do the interview and then figure out the rest, I tell him.
9:00 to 11:00 am The interview went well I think. I explained briefly why I was wet and turns out another employee had that happen about a week ago and the city came out and pulled his keys out with a big magnet. He called the person to see who I should call for that service. That guy went out to the drain while I was interviewing and tried to fish it out with a wire but couldn't see the keys for the water, leaves, and muck. Reported back two pieces of bad news, he couldn't get the keys and the property is private not City or State so they won't be available. On with the interview... I would like this job. I liked everything about the place, what they do, and the people I met. The situation is simular to CSO network wise when I started there so I feel confident I could do them a good job. They will be filling the job within a week so I'll know soon.
11:00 am It's not raining so I walk back to the Deli. Again the language barrier - they didn't have a phone book according to them so I called my State Farm Agent - in Roseburg. They didn't have a Portland phone book or list of locksmiths that bill State Farm directly. They suggest calling information. I do - they connect me to the nearest locksmith. They say the soonest they can be there is Wednesday and I should call someone else (ya think?)

I try to call Caleb...just in case he is home for the day for some reason...no answer, I try Joey - my roommate - no answer. Finally I call Kelly at work. I know she is sick and barely has a voice but I was hoping she could look in a yellow pages book and give me some numbers to call. Kelly was wonderful! She knew where they had a spare key for the car! And she went home to get it and bring it to me! What a relief that was! So now I settle in with a second cup of coffee to read my book until Kelly arrived.

11:45 am Looking up from my book I was surprized to see Kerry and Janet from Northwest Rafters Association in the Deli! I wasn't sure at first but then saw their dogs outside and knew it was them! So I went over and said "Hi". It was a nice to connect and we exchanged phone numbers. Kerry works next door to the Deli and he knew where who the property owners are and that they were right there in the industrial park.

12:20 pm I got to introduce Kelly to Kerry when she got there . When I opened the car I gave Kerry a copy of my resume which he had offered to hand off to the people who do their network!

12:30 pm I walk in to the business that Kerry had directed me to and they sent one of their guys over to the Deli to get my keys. I guess this happens relatively often - they had a nifty magnet thing and I was on my way to the Job Fair in Canby buy 12:50!

I'm feeling good about the interview, happy to have connected with some fellow rafters, grateful for the help from unexpected places and glance into the rear view mirror to check my makeup.... YIKES!

I'm looking like a MIME! And probibly have since my mad dash in the rain! Keith had taken me around the business... I'd been to two other businesses since then!

The job fair was a bust like the other one I was required to attend but it was uneventful and I was just glad to do the walk through and head home.

Good day? Bad day? Lots of good things happened in between the difficult things! If I get that job it will be amazing... I sure didn't have that organized, professional "thing going on"! :-)

I'm happy to be home and am going to bed!

I have "snapped" in every one of my classes! Saturday the mid-term test was started with inappropriate remarks by the young men in the class about how better grades can be achieved by women in the class - graphically discussed with a great deal of laughter until I pointed out that comments like that will get a person fired in the real world. The instructor hadn't seen fit to "shut it down" until after I said that. I told him after class I will not sit in a classroom and listen to that kind of stuff... it is not a locker room.
The Monday night mid-term (same instructor) was much longer and included writing a Virtual Basic program. The 50 questions only counted for 50% of the grade - the project was the other 50%. Not being one of the quickest I was still working on my program when most of the class was finished. Having finished their midterm several of the other students proceeded to stand/sit around and discuss their favorite games, online gaming strategies, their "charactors", etc. Trying as hard as I could I could not just shut their chatter out and felt very annoyed until they finally left 30 minutes or so later. About that time the instructor told the few remaining students we only had 20 minutes left. With quiet my mind started clicking and I got about 2/3 of the program written and working but then was out of time! I felt sick and told the instructor I really felt it was rude of the students to "hang out and chat" while others were still trying to finish midterm tests. He seemed surprized! I wasn't the only student still working on the test when the others were socializing but they had all left by then. I wonder if they finished or gave up. Anyway he apologized and said he'd make them keep it down "next time". He also warned the final is much more difficult - I'll bring earplugs!
Then tonight's class! Progress grades where handed out. Time was taken as students addressed their individual lists and it was topped off with a particular student that had been asked to not play games on his laptop in the front row becuase it was distracting to others, and only has attitude to contribute each week complained that his test scores were so low he didn't want to finish the class - the snap point for me was when he went on to complain that the guy he'd gotten his answers from for the last quiz (who had been sitting next to him) got a higher grade than he did on the test! And the instructor continued to console him! Telling him he can do make up work... I exploded - I suggested that he read the material in the textbook, not play video games during class, and quit using classtime to whine about his grades and then I looked at the teacher and asked how much we were paying him an hour. (He'd given us a figure of $50 a week or so ago. ) He asked if I felt there was any value to what was going on between him and the other student and I said absolutally NONE. I said I would like to be reviewing some kind of material in class and that may be one or two others would too. The instructor qued up his PC and went on to cover some of the points of Excel and Access which was this weeks subject according to the course outline. It's the most actual material thats been covered during class time in the 7 weeks I've been in that class.

I guess I expect to much from college too! I'm wondering why I am paying so much money to do coursework like I'm taking an online class (studing the material alone , taking tests, waiting for feedback) and going to classes filled with people that don't want to discuss the material, act like a bunch of kids in high school, with instructors that don't seem to be in touch with teaching!
Am I from some other planet? Is this ok with everyone? I don't get it!

Caleb and Kelly lent me their digital camera so I've been getting pictures to accompany my posts! My little piece of home is here. Mike and I venture out to the kitchen and bathroom but mostly we eat, sleep, and study here. Most of my stuff is still stored away. What I have out are the things I "need" - books, pictures, clothes, and dreamcatcher!

My bookcases serve as my dressing area screen. It's small but cozy. Most of my studing is done at the table by the window. So anytime you wonder what I might be doing just picture me at my table... working on the computer or on the bed with books and papers spread out around me. If I'm not in class or walking the dogs that is about where and what I am doing.

Everyone knows Mike, my chocolate lab, but Gizmo has been a mystery. Here he is! Looking very mellow which he is NOT. Being 8 months old he has tons of energy and is very vocal. Not always barking either. He has an amazing range! Sometimes he looks me right in the eye... about 6 am while I think I should still be sleeping and he "talks" to me. It is fasinating to watch his mouth move while he makes sounds - I know he is very patiently explaining I have been asleeep long enough and he needs some attention now. If I don't respond he will let out a couple of sharp barks and then talk to me some more. It's fun except when I am tired, sick, or trying to do something else (sleep, study, watch TV). He'll grow out of it one day and we'll miss it so I try not to shut him down to harshly.

I've tried to upload other pictures but they just aren't making it! I have to take the dogs out for a walk and then head off early for school. I'm taking advantage of the tutoring for Visual Basic. I did not do well on the programing part of my mid-term and the instructor has already let us know the final is going to be much more difficult.

I'll work on uploading pictures to flickr this evening or this weekend while I am house/dog sitting for Caleb and Kelly. Hope all is well out there with all of you!

Distinction between Disassociation and Detachment 101. The definition helped and I believe detachment is what I want to achieve since it sounds like that is what will allow me to have both a love of life and the ability to feel but not be so impacted emotionally when unexpected or unwanted things occur.

I can be dealt some really difficult relationship situations and handle them with clarity and a reasonable amount of serenity and then some minor thing occurs like a broken lunch date with a friend and I find myself feeling totally heart broken and rejected. It's like being really smart and then all the sudden you can't figure out what a familiar word means. The fact that it even happens makes me question what is wrong with me. Where is the illogical leap? Why do I jump the track and crash? Displaced grief? That is my current line of thinking. Another point for assigning grief to it's real source and feeling it at the time it occurs rather than avoiding it.

Enough self-examination for today! I have a mid-term exam tonight that needs my attention now!

I am more and more aware of how much like a little kid I still am. I get happy, and I get sad. I expect to much from life - want life to be more than what it is. When I quit doing this I will quit being diaappointed and disillusioned. I'll continue to work on accepting life on life's terms in hopes that I will attain that level place where things are just all good. Thats what I want - the ability to accept things just how they are - and the serenity that gives a person.

I wonder how people do it without disassociating... that is the only way I've ever achieved the attitude of not caring. I hate roller coasters - real or emotional.

Signing out for now.

Plans, and more plans...the outcome is in other hands!

Signe and Leo will be in Portland today! They'll be in "town" until Sunday so I am sure I'll see them atleast once! I have my mid-term for Operating Systems tomorrow morning which I'll study for today and then after the test I'm going to just enjoy the day - as much with Signe and Leo as I can.

Sunday I'm going to go to a celebration for Mary Paige and her business, Sober Princess. I've seen a fleece jacket that she designed and it was very tastefully done so I am really curious to see the rest of the line.

Monday is the mid-term for Programming, Tuesday the Clackamus County Job Fair and getting together with Nissa for dinner. This is my idea of what is going to happen over the next couple of days. :-)

This morning I got up and dressed and off to a 7 am meeting! After the meeting I decided to take Mike for a walk at Laurelhurst Park. It was foggy and crisp - kind of fit my early morning mood - so I was enjoying the walk. We were in the off-leash area so Mike was running free amoung the trees and bushes enjoying himself too. Somehow I slipped and went down on one knee - hard. Ripped my nylons (I'd dressed as if I were getting ready to go to work - just to keep in practice!) and the skin off my knee.

Funny how we look around to see if anyone saw us when something like that happens! I just that! No one was and I was relieved to limp back to the car without meeting anyone. Why a bloody knee and ripped nylons made me feel so stupid is a mystery but it sure did! Anyway, now I have a throbbing knee and a back ache! Friday the 13th?

Hmmm.

Fall is here in a bueatiful way! Slightly brisk mornings and nights - warm days. I do job searches, school work, and study most of the day but try to take atleast one walk (which Mike and Gizmo really appreciate) a day.

Yesterday I went to the Clearlake Rhododemdrum (you know what I mean... the plant) Garden located about 3 miles from where I live. It is a wonderful place! Six acres of paths that wind around the lake, bridges that cross streams that feed it, the sounds of little cascades, songbirds, ducks and geese. Another place to share when someone comes to visit! Another free thing that can be done in Portland - atleast on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I took Mike and Gizmo with me but will not again. People were outspoken with their fear that the dogs would go in the water after the ducks. Not Mike! I discovered Gizmo is equally adverse to water so there wasn't any real danger for the waterbirds - these two waterdogs aren't in to it! To maintain the serenity of the place I'll go dogless in the future.

The garden is right accross the street from Reed College which I have been attending meetings at. The campus is great just to walk through! Many of the buildings have been there for a very long time and the new ones have been built in keeping with the rest of them. Huge open lawns and wide, well lit walkways wind everywhere. The parking lots are limited to the fringe of the campus so you have to walk a lot. It is neat to wander amoung old, well maintained buildings.

Brett and I instant messaged this morning and he asked if I could act as a tour guide for the daughter of his Japanese Mom when she comes to America next month! Ayumi expressed a desire to see Crater Lake and Brett thought of me instantly. I do love to act as a tour guide - and love Crater Lake! So I have another bright spot to look forward to in the near future!

I've also received an invitation to a birthday party on Oct. 28th in Klamath Falls to celebrate two of my friends birthdays! I've already made the arrangements to make that trip! Thank goodness for my little Metro. Gas prices don't prevent me from going.

So, once again, many things change in the course of a day or two! I heard back from the property management company and the renter did pay Octobers rent (first relief). I let them know I want to rent it for more this time... so it will cover itself instead of being a drain on my income...and it is on their list of available rentals at that rate. I received the rent check yesterday and it being in the bank my account looks much better.

Time to get back to the books... midterms begin tomorrow!

Things do change!

• There is a chipper in front of the house and the remainder of the apple tree is getting topped. I've been parking accross the street so my little red car isn't in the "fall zone" since the original collapse of the house side of the tree. I don't feel real great about parking on the street... it is my only vehicle and errors in judgement occur often in the late night hours! So this evening I should have a space back next to the house. A little slice of piece of mind.
• I received a notice from the property management company that the renters in Roseburg have given their 30 day notice. The envelope did NOT include a check for October's rent. I have a call in to the company requesting the status of that and what to expect for re-renting the house.
• I had to transfer funds from savings to cover an oversight on my part in the checking account. It was a pretty big chunk of what I had in savings.

I do what I can about each situation and then "let it go" to resolve the way is needs to. It is a walking in faith excersize!

I have shut out the "what if's" from running wild in my mind so far. Now I will return to the computer programming lab that I am struggling with for tonight's class until I hear back from the Roseburg property management company.

Such is this MONDAY.